Thursday, 31 May 2012

First Aid Prisoner


A prisoner from a penitentiary very hard talking to a new one:
I took 10 years for fraud, and you?
20 years for first aid.
Stop it, you kidding, no one has ever taken 20 years for first aid, not even a year!
Yes, yes: my mother was bleeding from the nose, then I made him a tourniquet around the neck to stop the bleeding...

Monday, 28 May 2012

Mother's Birthday laughing


One morning right on my birthday, both my son asked me not to get out of bed. I stayed in bed and smell the scrambled eggs and bacon from the kitchen. I immediately thought, they're definitely going to make me breakfast and bring it to the breakfast room.
Finally, my son called me to come down to the kitchen. And when I fell, I saw they were sitting pretty at the table. In front of them each have a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon are large. By happy I hugged them and said, "Thank you boy, you've buatin Mama breakfast."
And my son quickly replied, "Ohhh ... not so Ma, as a surprise for Mom, today we cooked our own breakfast!"

Boss and secretary


A very frustrating boss with his new secretary.
The secretary was to ignore the sound of the phone. "You have to answer the phone," said the boss angrily.
"Well," replied the secretary, "but it's worth the work, 9 out of 10 phone calls not for me, but for the father."

Saturday, 26 May 2012

Laughing Department of Do it Yourself


It's bedtime and the man notes that the wife NOT have a headache and ask gently: Do you know it's Wednesday taxes?
Woman: You might save you.
Well, bar a little Fact trip, it takes "only 5 min.
Woman: No. Fact is closed, but you can go in Silvan they have a do-it-yourself department!

Facts and Beauties of Laughing


Did you know the benefits and bizarre facts behind the laughter? Here are 12 facts behind the laughter as reported by the site Genius Beauty,
1. Babies can not laugh until they reach the age of three months
2. Laugh for 10-15 minutes can burn as many calories
3. Laughter can release the air in the lungs at 60 mph
4. There are 17 facial muscles used to smile, while frowning takes 47 facial muscles
5. Someone who laughs often happy to have heart disease risk 40 percent lower than those of gloom
6. Would you believe, there are plants that flower called laughter. On seeing it you will laugh like crazy for half an hour
7. Laughed 17 minutes a day believed to extend the life time for one day
8. The average six-year-old children laugh 300 times a day. As we grow older we smile and laugh just 15 times a day.
9. Waiters smile can make its customers provide additional tips.
10. Good for stomach, if you laugh for an hour without stopping.
11. With a smile. Todd Gordon american advertising model worth $ 4,000 to enjoy
12. People who live in Brazil and Cuba smile more than those who live in Scandinavia.

Benefits of laughing in Life


The children laugh more than adults. Children laugh 400 times a day while adults only about 15 times..... so why do people get older it is so wrinkled, probably because of the time not like to laugh heheh yah.
Men more easily be laughable than the women (more boys become the mockery at school than girls). That's why a lot of comedians are male because men could easily make a joke.
Laughed the same as exercising. When you laugh, your facial muscles will be stretched, increase your pulse rate as is exercise and also improve the distribution of oxygen throughout the body.
Laughter is good for mental health. Laughter can release endorphins that will make you feel good. Endorphins give you a sense of peace and reduce anxiety.
Having understood the facts and benefits, then laugh!
Jokes help a child recognize a variety of things such as cause-effect relationships, new vocabulary, social ethics, and others. So, teach your children laughing with interspersed with jokes that children do not get bored.

Lice begging Money


- I have a hair full of lice and do not let me live!
- And why not you give them alcohol?
- Okay! If you do not stand so, as I will put up drunk?

A man who has decided to devote a lot of money to travel
the world, and as a first trip goes to Hungary, where returns are
meets a friend.
A-That was your trip to Hungary?
P-Well, all very nice.
A-And Budapest.
P-A beautiful city.
A-How about with the Magyars?.
P-Well ... go ... uh, well ...
When a dismissal is to take home and much sought
word "Magyar" and reads "natural women of Hungary", so
thinks "I go because of a fool." Overall, his next
is traveling to Portugal, and in return gets to meet his friend.
A-Man, they told me you went to Portugal.
P-Well if I had wanted to see that country.
A-And as Lisbon?
P-A beautiful city, its harbor, the historic area.
A-Well, as were the lusas?
P-Uh ... man, in their environment, either.
When you get home take a dictionary to look up the word
"lusas". "Natural Portugal Women," and says "Wow, I've
to the ridiculous, but not the next failure. "As next destination
goes to Egypt and his return (or not) meets his friend.
A-Where were you this time?
P-I went to Egypt.
A-How about the people in there?
P-Friendly, but I try to make money by selling trinkets.
A-Go. How about the pyramids?
P-I binds to three and two I take them to bed.

Doctor can open the door


In the psychiatrist's office:
- Doctor, every night I have the same dream: to push a door
with a word written on it. Pushed, shoved and pushed, but
I never get it open.
- And what is written on the door?
- "Spin".

Marriage Experience


Newton's son is marrying a girl from Madrid, having no experience asks his father ...
- Hey Aita, when I married that is what I have to do?
- Well look Seme, when you marry you must invite all people to eat, to see that the Basques are generous. Your wife's need to bring in a luxury car to see that the Basques are imaginative. After the wedding you have to invite a five star hotel to see that the Basques are splendid. When in the hotel with it you have to climb into the room by the stairs in a twinkling, with one arm, to see that the Basques are strong and energetic. When you're facing the door of the room you enter the arms to see that the Basques are chivalrous. When in the room you put it gently on the bed to see that the Basques are sensitive. The naked slowly and all of it, to see that the Basques are experts. And when you have naked ... Cascas three straws to see who the Basques first of all, we are independent ...

Poetry is my life


On the body LOVE
By: Esteban Arriola's Pliar
The dawn with firmness
Search in a bellows into
But light and very tenacious.
The overwhelming pain voracious.
The word is the sentence.
The conviction that cries.
When not want to fight.

But without sleep, without.
In a river deeper.
The Bait of hallucination
Located in a corner.
Shedding tears clear.
Love it cost so much
When your time is worth nothing.

Prestige of this feat.
Peeling and therefore nothing.
That costs nothing in the world.
To find love.
The last flower fades.
In a garden so fruitful.
The blooming dying.

On the vagaries of a mind.
Able to give up the ghost
When costs in your life
Knowing that so do.
A similar, according to nothing,
I formed you berries.
Without a goodbye kiss.

On your forehead wound
Sadness than joy.
One day were full.
Today I left the heavy penalty.
Bustling about the simple life
In which both cost of living.
Just ... to die.

So many times in pain
Soul dies of fever.
And over the corpse love.
It falls a beautiful flower.
Until you live again.
And when love is resurrected.
So beautiful is this little flower.
Never wait for your order.

Friday, 25 May 2012

Hundred Euro Note Bill

On a table lies a hundred-euro note. Sitting at the table of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, a fast and a slow Officials - Who gets the bill?
The officials are slow, because Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the officials not fast.

Friends Playing Cards

Year after year .....

Three friends are playing cards.

One of them breaks the silence and prayerful says:
"Oh yes, I know Brigitte Bardot."

"Yeah, Ackermann," my colleagues "who we know well."

The three agree to go to Paris to visit Brigitte Bardot.

Ackerman recognizes it, then the other two simply pay the travel. When Bardot Ackermann does not recognize the journey takes place at his own expense.

Once in Paris, Ackermann sought purposefully to the Metro, gets out, runs up the stairs in a house and knocks on a door.

It opens Brigitte Bardot:
"Ackermann, mon amour, how are you?"

The friends have to resort to the checkout.

Several weeks passed and a new meeting to play cards Ackermann says:
"Oh yes, I know the Bill Clinton".

"Sure, Ackermann, we believe you!"

Again, the three close friends from the same bet and take this time to Washington.

When the three whites before the House, Bill Clinton looks straight out of the window:
"Ackermann, old fellow, come in, let's have a drink!"

Wonder alone is both Ackermann's friends do not need to re-pay the travel expenses.

It will take several weeks and the friends meet to play cards again.

Ackermann said:
"Oh yes, I know the Pope."

"Yes, logically, we know well - that you know the Bardot and Clinton, we can hardly believe, but the Pope - no, we do not buy from you!"

Again, the same bet has been completed, the three travel to Rome where the Pope reads a mass. Pope recognizes the need to Ackermann, the two friends to pay for travel expenses.

The show has already begun, when the present three in the last row.

The Pope is currently in the sermon, he looking up and yells:

"Ackermann, you here? Come here!"

The crowd opens, Ackermann goes towards the altar. Pope and Ackerman hug, eat together some hosts, altar wine and drink pallavern, still waving goodbye to the people and, because the Holy Father, the people do not want to wait.

Ackerman goes back to his friends - which lie in a swoon.

When the two come back to consciousness, Ackermann asked what had happened.

The two answers:
"You know that Brigitte Bardot and Bill Clinton was a small miracle that you even know the Pope -. Naja - you can see, it is possible!

But most of all has shocked us, as you have previously downloaded from the altar, waving to the Pope.

As passed by two Japanese, photographed and asked one another:

"You know who the old man with the funny hat is there next to the Ackermann ...? '"

Politicians in Congo Cell

Schroeder, Lafontaine and fishermen have crashed on a vacation trip by plane to the Congo. They are captured by cannibals. The chief of the cannibals says to them: I am giving you the freedom when you bring me 100 fruit or fruit of a variety. The three make their way and collect fruits. First comes back with 100 Lafontaine berries. The chief says to him: If you look all the berries in a row can slide in the ass, then I leave you free '. Lafontaine begint 1, 2, 3, .... Made 98, 99, 100. A few minutes later, Fischer comes with 100 peanuts. When the chief again called his last condition, he begins: 1, 2, 3, ... 98, 99 ... suddenly starts Joschka out laughing: I can not go. I give up '. The chief looks at him quizzically, Why then calculated as close to the finish? Joschka tells him: Take a look over there, because Gerhard comes with 100 melons under your arm.

Rain on the Cars of Students


The husband comes a day early from the mission home and surprises his wife with three men in bed.
The startled husband:
"But hello, hello, hello!"
The wife:
"Typical. And you welcomed me at all ..."

Husband Back to Home


The husband comes a day early from the mission home and surprises his wife with three men in bed.
The startled husband:
"But hello, hello, hello!"
The wife:
"Typical. And you welcomed me at all ..."

Beer is an Element


"Give me the four elements," asked the teacher of Anne Marie.
The girl counts:
"Earth, Water, Fire, and beer."
"Beer? What do you mean beer?" Asks the teacher.

"Whenever my father drinking a beer, my mom says: Now he's back in his element."

Woman and the prisoners

A woman walks past a bum.
The bum asks: Do you have some money for me?
The woman replied: I myself have no money!
The bum says, then go to work, you lazy sow!

Two prisoners want to escape.
Says one: "I have a flashlight, you can climb up to the Stralsund."
Then the other: "I'm not stupid, if you off the lamp, I'm falling down."

Talking about Sons

An American, a German and an Arab chat over a drink.

Americans: "I have four sons, one more and I have a basketball team!"
German: "I have 10 sons, one more and I have a football team!
Arabs: "I have 17 women, one more and I have a golf course!"

Girlfriend name tattoo


An American who loved his girlfriend sincere, decided her name tattooed on his pen. Her name was "WENDY". The tattoo was done in an erect state, so that was when the pen is not erect, just had to see "WY".

After the couple married, they spent their honeymoon in Jamaica. When the man was on a toilet, a Jamaican stood beside him, who is also a "WY" had on his pen.

Then the Americans asked gently: "Well, say, her friend Wendy also because of your tattoos?"

As the Jamaican said kindly, "No, sir, is with me: '! Welcome to Jamaica Have a Nice Day'"

Child Insulting Mother


Fritz plays with the railroad. "Please, the children climb into the middle, the men backwards and forwards sluts!" he cries aloud.
As you can hear the mother in the kitchen, she complains: "One hour game ban!"
An hour later, Fritz played back by train and says: "The children in the middle, the men and women back to the front!"
"There you are!" Mama says, "It really works!"
Then Fritz "... and because of the bitch in the kitchen, we now have a whole hour late!"

Laughing Shoes store story

A man went in St. Gallen (Switzerland) in a shoe store.
He asks the salesman: "Do they have red corded?"
"Of course we have red corded."
"Do you have red with green corded Streifli?"
"Of course we also have red with green corded Streifli ..."
"Do you have red corded with green and yellow Streifli punctual?"
"Of course we also have red corded with green and yellow Streifli punctual!"
Then the man said, "You know what, you put your red corded with green and yellow Streifli punctual in the ass!"
The man turns around and leaves.
15 minutes later the phone rings.
"Gendamerie St. Poelten, Was good day. With you today a man who asked for red corded with green and yellow Streifli punctual?"
"Yes"
"Did he say to them that you want these red corded with green and yellow punctual Streifli stuck in the ass?"
"Yes he has said."
"You can take it out again, the man was an impostor!"

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Dog in Football Stadium

Two football fans want to watch the game against Cologne Dusseldorf in the stadium. At the stadium box office suddenly an attack dog comes running up and bites firmly in the leg of one of the fans. The other takes a stick and beats lying around too. He makes the animal so badly that immediately breaks his neck, and it falls over dead. A reporter who had viewed with ran towards the two and said, "I must remember to write I can see the headline:" Death Brave Cologne fan saves man from trained attack dog! ' As the Savior said: "I'm Dusseldorf fan!"
Then take the reporter's notebook and writes: "Antisocial Dusseldorf kills puppies!"

Rabbit flying with Motorcycle

A rabbit and a bear walking through the forest. Suddenly a fairy appears and says:
"Each of you has three wishes."
OK, the bear begins: "I hope that all bears are female in this forest and are on me."
The fairy looks strange, but fulfilled his wish.
The rabbit says, "OK, I want a motorcycle."
* And * PLING: a motorcycle in front of him.
The Bear: "I hope that all the bears in this country are female and are on me."
The fairy granted him this wish.
The rabbit says, "Well, I have a motorcycle, but I also want to wear a helmet."
* And * PLING he gets a helmet.
The bear (already totally cool) says: "I wish that ALL bears on earth are female and are on me."
Again he meets the fairy that desire.
The rabbit has his last wish and says: "I wish that the bear was guy", puts on his helmet and rides a motorcycle like this ...

Sunday, 20 May 2012

Laughing in front of mirror


An East Frisian goes on holiday to Bavaria and looks at his hotel a mirror on the wall. He packs up and sends him to his parents with a letter that says: "Look how nice the Bavarians are the even have a picture of me hanging!". The father looks at the mirror and says to his wife: "My God, my son is old now!"
The mother looks over father's shoulder into the mirror and says: "No wonder he is such an old bitch together!"

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger Laughing


Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger apply into the army. Stallone is brought into the room application. The officer says to him: "You only have to answer three questions What do you do when an enemy comes."
Stallone: "Kill."
Officer: "What do you do when the president is?"
Stallone: "Congratulations to victory."
Officer: "And what do you say if I give a command?"
Stallone: "Yes, sir!"
Officer. "Ok, we take you to please send Schwarzenegger in!" Stallone goes out and says Schwarzenegger, as he will reply: "'shooting', 'Congratulations on your victory' and 'Yes, sir,' say '. Schwarzenegger goes in and gets the first Question: "What do you do when the president is?"
Schwarzenegger: "Kill"
Officer: "What do you do when an enemy comes?"
Schwarzenegger: "Congratulations to victory."
Officer: "Are you kidding me?"
Schwarzenegger: "Yes, sir!"

Smiling face of Drew Brees

Smiling face of Drew Brees. He looks so nice during laughing.


Funny and Laughing Mrs. Eastwood

Funny and Laughing Mrs. Eastwood with her company fellows.



Laughing Father Seeing the Baby in The Biggest Fruit

Laughing Father Seeing the Baby in The Biggest Fruit
The baby is looking happy about his stay in the fruit.

Lady Waiting Bus on Stand


In the queue at the bus stop is a beautiful young lady.
She is dressed in a very tight leather mini skirt and matching leather boots and leather jacket.
The bus arrives and it is your turn. When you tried to get on the bus, you realize that you do not get because of the tight miniskirt her legs high enough for the first stage.
Although it is embarrassing, but with a quick smile She reaches behind her to open the zipper on your skirt a little more movement and freedom to have. Unfortunately this is not enough, however, raise the leg high enough for the first stage. She reaches back to the rear to open the zipper on, but then have to say that you still can not get to the first step. She smiles again and the bus driver to open the zipper, for the third time, a little further - in vain, remains close to the rock and the first stage of reach. Since you packed a standing in the queue behind her husband at the waist and lifts the girl grinning at the first stage. She is completely shocked and turns:
"How dare you me gripping. I do not even know who you are!"
He replied, ". Normally I would agree with you but after you've opened my pants three times now, I thought we were friends!"

Think Deeply Who am I


Who am I?
I'm about 20 cm long.
My function is enjoyed by both sexes.
Usually you can find me hanging or dangling always ready for instant action.
I adorn myself with a small tuft of hair on one side and the other with a small hole.
In use, I will almost always pushed, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly into a warm and moist meaty opening.
There I am pushed and pulled back out over and over again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements.
Anyone who listens is certainly the rhythmic, pulsating sounds to recognize that arise from the well lubricated movements.
When I am finally pulled out, I leave with a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance of something from the outside of the opening and some of my long, shiny shank must be wiped off.
After everything done, and my cleaning is complete, I return to my free-hanging rest position, ready for instant action.
I hope to be two to three times a day may come into play, but mostly it is rare.

WHO AM I?

As you have probably noticed, I am none other than your own toothbrush.
What did you think you sow old!

When Son Sold everything


A woman always has a visit from her lover while her husband is at work.
One day hides itself of the nine year-old Son in the cupboard order observe to, what the make two for thus ...
All of a sudden the husband comes home unexpectedly and the woman also hides her lover in the closet:
The son: "Dark in here ..."
The man (whispering): "Right."
The son: "I'm a football ..."
The man: "Good for you."
The son: "Do you want to buy?"
The man: "Nee, many Thanks to!"
The son: "My father is out!"
The man: "OK, how much?"
The son: "250 €."
In the next few weeks it happens again, that the Son and the lover
in the same cabinet.
The son: "Dark in here ...."
The man (whispering): "Right."
The son: "I have shoes."
The man, in memory, mentally sighing: "How much?"
The son: "500 €."
After a few days, the father says to his son: "Take your soccer stuff and let's play a game."
The son: "If I have not sold anything!"
The father: "For how much?"
The son: "For 750 €."
The father: "It's unbelievable how you betray your friends, this is much more than the things I will have cost you to get confessions in the church."
The father brings his son into the church, places him in the confessional booth and closes the door.
The son: "Dark in here ..."
The priest: "Stop that shit!"

Policeman joking with me and laughing


Oh man, I'm yet been checked yesterday, and the policeman says, "get registration papers, and I think you are drunk!"
Me: "sir, I assure you I did not drink!"
Policeman: "Ok, make us a little test Imagine: you go on a road in the dark because you will receive two lights, what is it?"
Me: "A car."
Policeman: "Sure, but what a Mercedes, an Audi or a BMW?"
Me: "No idea!"
Policeman: "So there drunk."
Me: "not under warranty!"
Policeman: "Okay, one more test: Imagine: you go on a road in the dark because you will encounter a light on what is it?"
Me: "A motorcycle!"
Policeman: "Sure, but what a Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?"
Me: "No idea!"
Policeman: "As I said, drunk!"
I was getting a bit sour, so I wanted to make a counter sample:
"Well, sir, another question:.. A woman stands at the edge of the road She's wearing a mini, fishnet stockings and high heels who is this?"
Policeman: ". Well, clearly a whore."
Me: "Yeah, but what your daughter, your wife or your mother?"

Golf Players Fun

A couple plays golf. To their shock just severed a golf ball flies through a window. The couple is aware of the blame goes immediately into the house to the owner to be informed. Both cry out, but nobody answers. You go into the room where the broken window and see a broken vase, next to a man with a turban on his head. "Are you the owner of the house?"

"No, I'm 1,000 years locked up in this vase, but somebody shot this golf ball through that window, it knocked over the vase, and now I am free!", Then responds to the spirit.

The husband, not stupid questions, right away: "Oh, they're a genie!"

"Correct."

"I will fulfill two requirements. Because I'm stingy, I reserve the third for me."

Okay, thinks the husband and says the same: "Super Well, I want a tax-free annual income of 1,000,000 €,!"

"If done. Your second wish?"

"Always great food!"

"This is also done."

Now my request: "I've seen in 1000 years no female, let alone reached let me go to bed with your wife."

The couple agrees and a few minutes later, this strong woman and spirit, while the husband devotes his golf game again.

"How old is your husband?" asks the ghost.

"35!" replies the woman.

"And because he still believes in genies?"

Playing Cards and the Party

Two married couples were playing cards one evening together. Horst fell by between one card to the ground. When he then bent down, he noticed that Jhon, Anton's wife, had his legs spread wide and was not wearing underwear! Horst, of course, nothing left to comment. Later, as Horst walked into the kitchen to get drinks, followed him, Dagmar and asked: 'Have you seen something under the table before that you liked?' Horst, surprised by her candor said yes and she said: 'You can have it, but it costs 500 Euro.' After Horst had checked his financial situation and put all the moral concerns, he agreed to the deal. Dagmar told him that her husband Anton would always work a little longer and Fridays should stop by Horst at 14:00 clock at her. Of course, Horst was time for the body and gave her 500 euros and the two vögelten about an hour. Horst at 15:30 clock was gone. Anton came as usual at 18:00 clock home and asked his wife: 'Horst was here this afternoon?' Dagmar was shocked, but answered calmly. "Yes, he was this afternoon for a few minutes here 'My heart was pounding like crazy when Anton inquired: 'And has he given you 500 euros?' Dagmar thought, this is the end, put on a poker face and said, 'Yes, he gave me 500 euros given.' Anton smiled contentedly and said, 'Good morning namely Horst came to my office for just 500 € to borrow from me. He promised that he would stop by this afternoon for you to repay the money. '

Carnival Custome for Friends

A couple wants to Fasching (carnival) go. They have been worried costumes. But on that evening the woman has a headache, take pain killers and went to bed. The man must go alone. After a few hours the woman wakes up and feels completely. She decides to go to the carnival but still. Since her husband did not know her costume, she wants to watch him in secret. He dances and flirts with many women. Then she begins to flirt with her husband. Finally, she invites him to a nearby bedroom, and she spent wild hours. Then she goes home, sits down in the bed reading a book. Comes when her husband, she asks him if he would be amused. He replied: "No, without you I'm no fun at parties." - "Did you dance?" - "No, I have a few old friends met and we gambled But the friend to whom I lent my costume has enjoyed themselves immensely.."

Saturday, 19 May 2012

Innocent Children thoughts in their Essays


The Pope lives in a vacuum.

In France it has executed the criminals before the gelatin.

My dad is a biscuits. He deserves a lot of money in the stock market.

For us men should marry only one wife. This is called monotony.

With us, everyone has their own room. Only Daddy does not always have to sleep with the mummy.

The fish lay off corpses in order to multiply.

Garden gnomes have red caps, so they will not run over the lawn mowing.

Men can not marry men, because then no one can wear the wedding dress.

Life insurance is the money that you get when you survive a fatal accident.

On weekends, Dad became winners in the rabbit show.

My parents only buy the gray toilet paper, because that was already used once and is good for the environment.

Actually, adopt better. Since the parents can pick their children and not have to take what they get.

Adam and Eve lived in Paris.

During the week, God lives in heaven. Only Sunday, he comes into the church.

My brother has fallen from the tree and had a Gehirnverschüttung.

The northern hemisphere rotates opposite to the southern hemisphere.

If you want to have children, you have to either make or sex marriage.

Getting married is not so bad. A bit of sex, but otherwise it goes ...

Love always finds a hidden no matter how good you look.

When women gotten too much male seed, you grow little beards.

Cows can not walk fast, so they do not spill their milk.

Earthworms can not bite because they have front and rear tail only.

A peach is like an apple with carpet on it.

If you eat sick cows, you're gonna get ISDN.

The fish fingers are long dead They can not swim.

I'm not baptized, but vaccinated.

Once the people have ceased to be a monkey, they were Egyptians.

In Leipzig, many composers and artists who lived and strangled.

The train stopped with a screech of brakes and the passengers evacuated on the platform.

Besides the state rooms were also heated knight woman.

All the world listened as 1642 Luther nailed his 95 prostheses to the Castle Church in Wittenberg.

Caesar made the stock stood at attention in full and all his men.

Graf Zeppelin was the first who sailed in different directions ...

The pasture is located high in the mountains. There is the shepherd and the farmer. In the spring becomes distended, abortions in the fall.

Our school was once an orphanage. Reminded of the entrance, a hewn woman, a boy at the front and rear receives a girl.

A Catholic sister can not escape because she has to live his life in the monastery.

The power of water is so powerful that even the strongest man can not hold it.

We went to the zoo. It was a big monkey in a cage. My uncle was also there.

The reckless Viehbrigadier had run over with his cart the whole fence. The pig could only be captured later.

With a strong, large beam give the firefighters from their water.

The Minister of Agriculture could meet the farmers, because the pigs were eating too much.

At the Red Cross is dedicated to the men and women love. Some do it for free, others get paid.

Where now stand the ruins once stood proud and damsels waiting for their extended Knight.

It was a powerful demonstration. The marketplace was crowded with people. Planted in the side streets, men and women continues.

In Lapland, 2 kinds of people live. The rich cloth reindeer ride in the sidecar, the poor rags to walk. Hence the name Footwraps. There, too, people live very close together. Hence the saying: It läppert together.

The matches must be well hidden, so they have no small children.

My aunt gave me a piggy bank. She was a pig. She had two slots. Back for one's paper, and the front's hard for. .... and we went with our teacher walks in the park. Opposite the park was a house where the mothers give birth to their children. A uterus looked out the window and waved to us with joy.

Spring is the first of the four seasons. In the spring lay the eggs and potato farmers.

Uncle of the pig was brought into the barn and there unceremoniously slaughtered by his grandfather.

8 days ago my father sat a tame goldfinch on the head ...

This was just on my way to work.

When our dog started barking at night, my mother went out and nursed him. The neighbors would otherwise have excited.

14 days ago there was in the business of my aunt's a fight because of a waitress who was propagated on the road.

My aunt was in so much joint pain that she could barely lift his arms above his head. With her legs it went well.

Last Sunday my father came home very late. He had gone in the city park.

The figure skater turned her pirouettes, while her skirt lifted in its own wind.

The women's equality was realized. This also applies to traffic. Here too, it takes the same position.

The people were once not so old, even though they had less traffic.

Now tell hid behind a bush, pulled the trigger and the work of emancipation was done.

At the pond was a maid and was milking a cow. In the water it was vice versa.

The horses wore rosettes in the national colors at the head of the cookware and the tails. Each man was similarly decorated.

Crazy challenges of Architecture

no matter how mundane or challenging the purpose it serves, ultimately, the whole of man-made environmental changes and thus a cultural achievement of man, a note of the architects of Gerkan Meinhart. For the average citizen who wants to fulfill the dream of a home or a beautiful waterfall in the garden creates, but imagine most challenging issues causing some confusion at the hardware store to visit. The design of your own four walls and creating a unique ambience is more and more followers. For IKEA and cocoonen then relaxing at home.

Insurance Company Actions


The following letter is addressed to a roofer, an insurance company and describes the consequences of an ill-considered action:

"In response to your request for additional information, I would like to tell you this: If question 3 of the accident report I".. Unplanned action "as the cause of my accident given you asked me to describe this in more detail what I want to do that here I am by profession roofer. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a six-story new building. When I finished my work, I had about 250kg brick left over. Since I did not want to wear down the stairs, I decided to give it in a barrel on the outside of the building down permit, which was attached to a rope that ran over a pulley. I tied so the rope down on the earth, went on the roof and loaded the bin. Then I went back down and tied the rope going on. I held it to the 250kg bricks slowly. If you refer to question 11 of the accident report form, you will notice that my former body weight of about 75kg was. I was very surprised when I suddenly the ground beneath the feet lost and was pulled upward, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. I think I have to say here that I was with ever greater speed drawn to the building up. Around the area of ​​the third floor I met the barrel, which came from above. This explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone. only slightly slowed down, I continued my ascent and did not stop the fingers of my hand with the front fingers were squeezed into the role. Fortunately, I retained my presence of mind and kept me determined in spite of the pain with all the force on the rope. However, the barrel hit around the same time jumped down on the floor on the ground and out of the barrel. Without the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed about 25kg. I refer to this location back to my question 11 specified body weight of 75kg. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent. At the height of the third floor, I met again for the coming of the bottom barrel. This resulted in two broken ankles and abrasions on my legs and my abdomen. The collision with the buoy delayed my case, so that my injuries from falling down on the pile of bricks is low and that why I have only three vertebrae. I regret, however, to inform you that I, as I was there on the pile of bricks and the empty barrel six stories above me saw, once again lost my presence of mind, I let go of the rope ... "

The latest craze in vending machines


The doctor Machine - You can also get times for 5 € a bad response from a vending machine ...

George complains about his pain on his hand and told his friend that he absolutely must see a doctor because he can no longer endure.

"Why go to the doctor? Now there are supercomputers, can diagnose all sorts of diseases and are much cheaper than a doctor. Try going to the supermarket on the corner, take a urine sample and 5 € with and then you'll see."

When he goes home, thinks George to his friend on the proposal. After all, it will cost more than 5 €, so he goes the next day with a urine sample to the supermarket, the urine sample is plugged into the computer and € 5 in the slot.

The computer starts to work on, the lights flashing and colored lights, and finally comes out a paper that says:

Diagnosis: You have tendinitis in his right hand.

Remedy: Immerse yourself for two weeks every night your hand in warm water.

Avoid heavy loads.

George can not believe it. Science has really made tremendous progress. But with time he will doubt whether the computer is really so perfect.

The next morning he takes a bottle and are into some tap water. His drooling dog, he takes a bit of saliva and vermixt the whole thing. By his wife, he takes some urine and the tampon from his daughter, he wrestles. To crown it gets down into the mix and one, too.

Then he goes to the supermarket, the vial is in place and throws a 5 €. The computer starts to work on, the lights are flashing, it is becoming increasingly violent, the lights blink faster and faster, the computer is threatening to explode. Then he throws out a paper that says:

Diagnosis: Your tap water is too hard and messy.

Solution: Buy yourself a water softener and purifier.

Diagnosis: Your dog has worms:

Remedy: subjecting him to a vermifuge.

Diagnosis: Your daughter's cocaine addict.

Solution: Arrange for an immediate withdrawal treatment.

Diagnosis: Your wife is pregnant and gets twins. They are not yours.